Do you ever freeze in a situation and have no idea why?
Has anyone ever told you that you are too guarded or closed off from others?
Is it difficult for you to fully commit in romantic relationships? Or do you find that you are too quick to commit to a new romance?
Do you feel like you just don’t measure up but you aren’t even sure what “being good enough” would look like?
Circumstances like these and countless others are often the result of how we try to cope with the bad circumstances and painful things that happen to us. If I was bullied a lot, I might be guarded and keep others at arm’s length because “letting people in is painful.” If I was raised in a home where love and acceptance was conditional, I am going to frantically search for and commit to someone who makes me feel accepted.
I often say that trauma is the gift that keeps on giving. Clearly, trauma is no gift. But the overwhelming feelings, behaviors, and beliefs formed from traumatic experiences can leave the trauma survivor with invisible wounds that stay with them and continue to cause disruption. Advances in neuroimaging have broadened our understanding of the effects of chronic traumatic stress on the brain and nervous system. Dealing with trauma and attachment wounds offers one the opportunity to have deeper connections with others, a realistic view of their worth, and a more grounded and peaceful existence.